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United States Marine Corps
Best known for their motto, Faith, Hope, and Charity, the Marines bring peace and liberation to poor, oppressed peoples across the world — whether they want it or not. It is the strongest military force in the world with an active member number of 21 million killers ready to rip liberal faces off for the price of an oatmeal cookie. The Marines are part of the troops. They are superior to the Army and Navy, but serve the alongside the Air Force Chairborne Rangers by parachuting out of the planes that the greatest Americans like George W. Bush fly. History The United States Marine Corps was founded November 10, 1775 in (shockingly enough) a bar found in Philadelphia named Tun Tavern. It was decided over a round of beers that if the colonies were to stem the invading hordes of bears, they would need to take the fight straight to the bears' lairs. Thus began the founding of the "Bear Slayers". Much like the drunken knights of lore, these brave young men get hopped up on creatine, adrenaline, and cheap vodka...look bears square in the eyes, and cry out "We will not back down!!!". These "soldiers of the sea" may be America's last hope against the "bear war machine" as well as the godless commie heathens found on the set of The Daily Show. Factoids Chesty the Bulldog, The U.S. Marine Corps Mascot was named as an homage to Lt. General Chesty Puller. They have equally big balls and bite, the dog having better teeth.]] * The U.S. Marine Corps consumes more coffee, beer, condoms, and Valtrex than the entire nation of Hungary. * A Marine has more balls in his left testicle than all the Nazis currently conducting a military occupation of France. * If you have a major malfunction, a Marine will let you know. * God has a hard on for Marines, but abides by Don't Ask, Don't Tell. * Marines own your soul, and eat it for dinner. * Defeated the World Superpower, Granada in 11 minutes. Warnings * like those crazy British guards, Marine guards may very well do something if you...say, jump from one country to another over and over, or get in their face and stick out your tongue. Simply getting a hole kicked in your chest would be a blessing as every Marine is capable of unscrewing your head and shitting down your neck. (Every Marine is fed at least three square can's of whoop-ass a day, and it is very high in fiber.) * Ever hear the phrase "Time to kick ass and chew bubble-gum"? Marines are never issued bubble-gum! * Ever hear the phrase "Time to kick some ass and take some names"? Marines only take names in Guantanamo! * A Marine is always prepared, Semper Fi, and there to destroy souls, regardless of the Time. * Marines are Killing Machines that have righteously filled their God-shaped Holes with The Heavenly Father and expert marksmanship. * Marines do not kill, they merely liberate the living into the next world. * One fighting Marine is worth ten thousand standard infantry units. (Any country's) * Marines never die, they simply go to hell to re-group. *Just in case they dont have a gun nearby, their arms turn into Gatling Guns. See Also *balls * Gunny Highway * Chesty Puller * Cpl. Chesty XII *Army *Navy *Air Force *Jim Webb *Rob Riggle *Stephen Colbert Ok he was just a core member of a group of guys who worked at the Marina but it still counts! Do Not Also See * John Murtha * Ira Hayes * R. Lee Ermey * Gomer Pyle * Camp Lejeune External Tubes *Marines were poisoned by industrial toxic waste hippie poison *US Marine captures dangerous terrorist